The
Adavale Kangaroo Shooter
Oh what a NIGHT
I was staying at “the Hut”
in Adavale with Tony on my annual trip to the outback to hunt pigs and trap
yabbies. Drinking a little wine and knocking off a few beers are also on the
agenda. We tend to discuss most of the
world’s problems and solve them.
Usually a bomb is the solution!
Tony and I –
The Hut in the background between us – cop shop to the left
Tony
and I had been there a few days when Lennie showed up and invited me to come
out with him one night for a shoot, his living as a Roo Shooter (sounds like
mad rooter but he’s not).
Matter of fact he went into
detail about the lady Colleen, who was staying with him on the ‘Paradise’
property.
Back of the hut
‘No Fox, none of that going
on’.
I said ‘bullshit, fuck off!
‘Just to give a hand after
my knee op’.
‘Bullshit’.
Anyway, we made arrangements
for a night and Lennie would pick me up and we would proceed to ‘shoot’ the
Milo property following the dingo fence.
He loves the company on what can become a long night. This one would end up being exactly that and
more.
When he arrived to pick me
up he had a story to tell Tony and myself.
Colleen had gone into town with the ‘lady’ publican to have a girl’s
couple of days. They had had a problem with the front tyre and took the car to
the local garage to fix, and the entire wheel fell off.
‘Can you believe that sort
of luck Fox’.
‘No I can’t’.
Of course Colleen being away
would come into play later.
I packed a sandwich and the
thermos and threw in the yabbie traps because Lennie said there was a great
hole about 30 kilometres out on the dingo fence. I thought ‘not again’! Lennie had previously led us on a yabbie
chase that took a round trip of 200km for a return of about a dozen
crayfish. He also checked his Land
Cruiser.
‘I’ve forgotten the fucking
Wallaby Jack’.
‘What if we have a flat?’
‘She’ll be right’.
‘Yeah’ !!
We said goodbye to Tony and
explained I hoped to be back in the hut around midnight. The pork chop, to be
cooked by the chef a la magnifique,
would now be held over until I arrived home.
No such fucking luck.
‘I’ll save some red for
you’.
Immediately I thought
‘that’s one bloody Bleasdale I won’t get to taste’.
Off we go with Lennie
immediately updating me on the goings on in Adavale. Who was rooting who and who was paying the rent. Funny how a little place with about fifteen
houses could come up with such a complex social structure! Tony and I had not
been to Grace and Woodsies for dinner as is usual as yet and it’s there you get
ALL the goss.
On to Milo through the Windorah
gate. The gate leads to the old road to
Windorah and is no longer used. Have to
go the Quilpie way.
‘Ever been up that road
mate’?
‘Plenty of times’.
‘Why did they close it?’
‘Too fucking rough’.
‘Will we go up it tonight’?
‘Some of the way’.
Shit, this sounded just like
a bad case, and was going to be, although thankfully we never got to the rough
road.
Immediately we hit the Dingo
fence, just on dusk, the roo’s were everywhere. Lennie shot one because it got in the way but it was a good size
(legal) and loaded it. That roo was in
for a hell of a night; lucky the boomer wasn’t feeling any embarrassment.
‘Think we’ll go straight
through to the yabbie hole Fox, and come back along the fence so you can shoot
out to the left’.
‘Here goes, he’s put it on
me already’.
Funny, I don’t like shooting
roos but it does seem different when you are helping someone who depends on
killing them for a living.
‘70 percent of our roos go
to Russia you know Fox’.
There you go !!!!
As we drifted along the
fence road, smooth as it was recently graded, we spotted hundreds and hundreds
of good sized roos, so I was going to get a good go at them tonight. Sure!!
Anyway, after being annoyed
by Emus who just wanted to run along the fence with Lennie in full voice:
‘Get out of the road you
stupid cunts’.
‘Bet you couldn’t head shot
one of those fuckers’.
Lucky he didn’t take me up
on it, he’s a good shot for an old prick.
He’s older than me!
We came across the water
hole just as light was filtering through the gums. The outback is fascinating
at this time. We had some roo meat from
the day before which was placed in the traps and deposited in the hole. I had visions of pulling out hundreds the
next day when Tony and I would be through again.
Dingo fence waterhole
Big yabbie
‘I think you have a leak in
the radiator Lennie, there’s water pissing everywhere’.
‘Dont think that’s coming
from the radiator’ was the reply.
’Think it’s coming from the
block’.
After further inspection he
discovered the old Cruiser had a crack in the block.
‘It’s this fucking water out
here, corrodes everything’.
‘What’s the go now, light
the camp fire’?
‘I’ll fix it’.
Well I was fucking well
amazed when he came up with two tea bags, opened them and stuck them in the
radiator. I was even more amazed when
the leak stopped.
‘Clever old cunt, aren’t I’?
He would need to demonstrate
how clever he was later tonight.
‘Might as well check a trap
or two before we go Fox’.
Fuck all!!
‘You know mate, that thing
is still leaking’.
‘I’ll have a look’.
He still amazes me that
after a total knee replacement only back in March he can move around with ease
and even sit cross legged. No problems
getting under the Cruiser to check another problem.
‘We’re out of clutch fluid’.
So we filled up and after
many attempts to fill and refill finally decided the thing was discharging all
the fluid at the master cyclinder.
‘You know the best thing to
use if you are out of fluid is water’.
‘I’ll be fucked, it’s not working
this time because it’s pissing out the arse end’.
‘We can still drive without
the clutch’.
‘Well I’ll be’!
‘Hello what’s happened now?’
‘What’s the problem?’
‘No drive at all’.
‘What’s that mean now?’
‘Last fucking time I’m going
for Yabbies’.
Time I bowed out.
‘Cuppa Lennie, there’s still
some left in the Thermos’.
‘Well we’re here for the
night, might as well start a fire’.
At this point with
everything going so well my thoughts wandered back to the Hut where the master
chef would be enjoying his pork chop and drinking the red wine. No he wasn’t I decided, the prick would be
in bed and couldn’t give two fucks about me.
The fire was going well and
being now after midnight, discussion turned to contacting people.
Oh well I thought, no
problems there’s always other shooters out.
‘Woodsie, have you got a
copy?’
‘Grace, have you got a
copy?’
‘Gareth, have you got a
copy?’
‘Jim, have you got a copy?’
Fucking copy, there’s no
prick out there!
‘Must be in a hollow’!
Famous words from the Roo
shooter.
‘Do you ever see any pigs
after you gut up?’ Lennie had gutted the roo we had onboard.
‘The pricks come in all the
time. I’ll tell you a story. I was down Wyandra way one night and laying in
wait for a pig when fuck me drunk this boar appears in between me and my
mate. I wasn’t afraid and after a boo
he disappeared.’
‘Horse shit’.
‘I don’t get scared but
sometimes wary, I think I’ve seen the Min Min lights!’
‘Was this back in your
drinking days?’
‘No fair dinkum, I shone the
spot at them and they disappeared only to appear again, fucking things kept
coming back but didn’t get closer’.
‘Horse shit’.
‘One day this stuff just
like spider web, and stretching for ages, came floating down from the sky’.
‘Did anyone else see it’?
‘Yep, they saw it in town’.
‘Nope, I’ve never seen
anything like that, I’ll see if I can find out on the net what it may have
been’.
We were stretched out
alongside the fire by now.
‘Another cuppa Fox’.
‘Yep, and a biscuit’.
‘Fuck off’.
‘Jesus, this tastes a bit
thick out of your thermos. Tastes like dish water’.
‘Shouldn’t, it’s from the
yabbie hole’.
‘Fucking hell’!
Then Lennie all of a sudden
sits up in the smoke and says ‘I think I can fix the problem’. I didn’t ask
anything. Under the truck he goes and all of a sudden he calls out ‘I can see
the problem, the wheel has come off the axle and is just hanging by the
nuts’. So was I! So we proceeded to
lift the truck on the right hand back wheel side with a black fella’s rig of
levers and spare wheels.
Straight out of the ‘Bush
Mechanic’.
‘Would have been handy that
wallaby jack’.
No answer, just something
about fucking yabbies.
Finally we managed to get
the wheel back on the hub again and she was ready to go. It was now getting cold and as black as the
proverbial.
‘Shall I pack up the fire
Lennie, shouldn’t need it now’?
It wouldn’t be too long
before we were using the matches again. Well Lennie’s cigarette lighter,
wouldn’t expect to have matches!!
Camp #1
Well I thought, might get
some roos after all.
By this time we are deep
into the night.
‘Do you think Tony will
realise something’s amiss?’
‘Yep, about eight a stuffing
clock in the morning’.
The unit sounded good and
away we went down the dingo fence. At least it was smooth. Lennie is the type
that doesn’t see bumps or gidgee trees. Runs over the bloody lot.
‘Fox is this the sand we
came over on the way out’?
‘Dont think so, doesn’t look
good’.
It was a typical outback
creek bed and would be impassable in the wet.
For some reason or other
Lennie fires up and sails into the mire.
We didn’t make the other
side.
Bogged to the axle in dry
sand! Jesus fucking Christ!
Something again said about
yabbies!
‘One hell of a night Lennie
- water, brake fluid, gears and now we’re fucking bogged in sand in a hollow
and no cunt knows we’re here’.
‘We’ll get this bitch out,
no worries’.
‘Are you in four wheel drive
mate?’
‘It’s buggered, been
disconnected for ages’.
‘God all fucking mighty,
what the fucks going to happen next?
You need a bit of
maintenance on this heap Lennie’.
I think the Toyota did not
have 4 x 4 when we were up last year.
We
stripped half the bank of brush and used every bag on the truck to put under
the wheels but to no avail. Took down all the racks that carry the dead roos
and put them under the wheels, still no good.
‘Think I’ll let the tyres
down and she should go better’.
Why didn’t I think of that!
Too stuffed and tired probably.
So we let the back tyres
down and proceeded to go through the whole routine again. As before the truck
had to be stopped, put in gear and started on the run. But of course the sand
was preventing us from doing this. So
we had to use a leverage system to move the wheel around so the gears could be
put in neutral. Then Lennie would get in the truck and engage and start going
forward or reverse.
Mean time I kept getting
involved with my friend the dead roo on the back. Every time I passed around the rear the tail gave me a smack in
the chops.
If that roo could tell a
story he’d be writing this.
My friend the roo
‘Keep the fucking thing
going ahead mate’.
‘Hang on, I’ll try reverse
again’.
‘Fuck me, cant you hear?
Stupid statement because all
the years of shooting have made Lennie almost deaf’.
Next thing the truck comes
back and nearly quashes the roo and me and then all of a sudden lurches
forward, runs through the sand, clears the bank the other side and ends up on
the flat ground near the dingo fence.
‘You beauty, now we’ve only
got fucked gears and flat tyres. Got a
pump Lennie?
What a fucking stupid shit
of a question.
‘We’ll need to lift the
truck and put on the spares’.
What a manoeuvre. Lennie’s ingenious bush mechanics came into
play. How I was not found squashed under the back of the truck I don’t
know. He used one of the roo racks
either side placed solidly in the ground and under the back tray. He then simply (when the prick of a thing
was in gear) backed up until the wheel was pretty much off the ground. We then braced a few other areas until it
was safe – well !!!
‘Need to dig a hole under
the wheel to help’.
‘It’s like rock’!
What more did I expect.
Anyway we got through all
that and it was late but we were moving.
‘Grace, have you got a
copy’?
‘Woodsie have you got a
copy’?
‘I could reach Paradise but
no good calling home because Colleen’s in Charleville’.
I thought - I hope you are
having a fucking good time my lady friend!
‘Tony’s probably realised
something is amiss now, it’s nearly two thirty’.
‘He’ll be snoring his head
off’.
So off we went again without
any clutch, boots full of sand, and cold.
Anyway we were off to get a few roos having already used up 6 hours of
the night. He comes to a screeching
halt and switches off.
‘That one’.
Off goes the shot and the
roo just looked at me. That’d be right,
bastard of a start to the night, then I miss the first one. Nothing said.
Next one straight between
the eyes.
Back to your best Fox, I
congratulated myself.
Next one was a heavy Wally
(Wallaroo) and just got him. Lennie had
to clonk him on the head. Next, I
managed a shot into the air by closing the bolt too quickly.
‘Hair trigger mate, put the
cross hairs on and just touch it’.
Get fucked, I thought.
We moved around the plains a
bit and managed a couple more roos each and ended up with five more on the back
to join my old friend who had had a rough ride.
‘Time to head home Fox,
we’ll just take it easy’.
‘Thank fuck for that’.
We headed down the dingo
fence again and got to a nice spot between the trees and the fence when the old
Toyota decided to shit itself for the last time.
‘What the hell now’?
‘Same problem - no drive’.
‘Another fire’!
‘Yep, we’re staying here’.
Wonderful !
‘When do you think Tony will
notice you missing’?
‘Again, that prick won’t
wake up until eight. But I reckon he just might sense something and he’ll be
here sometime after that, about eight thirty’.
So we built another fire,
smack in the middle of the track. My
‘swag’ consisted of a cushion from the hut and a hessian bag that had been
shredded under the truck tyres. Got as close to the fire as we could and settled
in to what was left of the night. The mound the fence blokes push up against
the wire served as a pillow. You wouldn’t believe it but the old bushman was
snoring within ten minutes; and he was sleeping on a piece of plastic! It was also like trying to sleep in a zoo. Kangaroos
obviously have a fascination for fire as they were coming close many
times. Woke up with a start and there’s
skippy staring into the light. I could
also hear and feel the roos as they came down the track. After many times
getting up and entering the bush to fetch wood to stoke the fire it finally
started to show signs of dawn.
Camp #2
‘What do you reckon, he’d
have noticed you’re gone by now’?
‘Yep, we’ll see him about 8
or 8.30, he’ll head for the yabbie hole, same as I said before’.
‘What’s that up the track’?
‘A roo and a good size one,
so I’ll check it out’.
Lennie pulls out the .223
and confirms through the 12 x 50 scope and bang down goes the roo about 120
metres away.
‘Good shot for an old Murray
Aye!’
We headed down to where the
roo was and I said I was buggered if I was going to drag that back to the ute.
‘I’ll show you how to carry
them without getting blood all over you’.
With ease he just threw the
sizeable roo up on the shoulders and headed back to the ute.
‘Good on you, I’ll go ahead
and get the camera’.
Lennie Dolman
We saw some more roos and I
decided to take the rifle and see if I could get one to help the tally. Only
chance I had was after I got behind two reds but of course one fucks off and
the other decides to head back to the fire.
‘I saw a roo coming back
this way, how come you didn’t get him’?
‘Coz the truck was in the
line of fire, but I tell you, I fucking thought about it’!
‘Breakfast’!
‘You’re joking’?
Lennie had gone to one of
the carcasses and cut out the kidneys.
‘Yeah, they’re Ok roasted on
the fire’.
I can tell you they tasted
like shit.
The fork was a piece of
rusty wire pulled from the Dingo fence.
‘Someone’s coming, I can see
dust way up the track’.
I got my rifle out and used
the scope but couldn’t see anything.
‘You’re fucking seeing
things again, min min dust!!!’
Sure enough another five
minutes go by and the dust appears much closer. Bloody old murray! ‘It’s not Tony, he’d be using my Mazda - not
the shopping trolley’.
The shopping trolley
‘Then it must be the fence
blokes’.
As the 4 x 4 got closer it
became obvious it was the dingo fence blokes.
At least they will probably
have satellite comm’s and we can talk to someone.
When they were right on top
of the old Toyota they went to pull around us and seemed to be just continuing
on. I waved them down.
‘G’day boys’ says the
character in the passenger seat ‘anything wrong’?
That was about it for me!
‘No, we’ve just got a camp
fire going for fuck all, we’ve been up all night that’s why we look so fresh’!
‘There’s another vehicle
behind us about 2 minutes so we’ll push on’.
Fuck off I thought, bright
as pissed on candles.
In the distance along the
fence the Mazda appears, you beauty. I
must know him pretty well! Tony rolls
up.
A real 4 x 4 (my Mazda), with
shooter (Tony)
‘What happened’?
‘I’ll be here another day if
I was to tell you’.
Lennie Dolman is the salt of
the earth in this man’s country. Honest
as the day is long and I am so glad that about six years ago I met him and now
call him a mate. Not all the times out
shooting with him ended up like tonight but I won’t forget this one.
The
last final insult was Lennie had heard the Russians had cancelled their
standing order of roo meat from Australia.
Tony and Lennie preparing roo meat for
yabbie traps
I’d love to tell you more
about my stay in the Hut with my good mate Tony (Ey), the ‘Chief’, but I’ll
just briefly tell you what he decided would make the whole world in a better
place !!!!
‘(On Muslims, Afghanis,
Pakis, Iranians and Iraqies) Nuke all the cunts; (on federal politics) Rudd is
just a fucking disgrace; (on state politics) Blyth is a lesbian and Qld is
fucked; (on ragheads in general) If they’d just give me a go I’d shoot all the
fuckers; (on Australia) the country’s turned into a Nazi state; (on coppers)
fucking NSW coppers are Nazi’s; (on state of origin) we won the series that’s
all that counts; (on the US of A) how the fuck did they ever vote a coon in?
(on more muslims) These muslims need controlling, well culling anyway; (on
women) if they’re all like Elke Sommer then that’s OK; (cars) told you about
those Toyota’s; (on coffee) only brewed coz the rest is shit; (on life) LIVE
FOR TODAY! So you see, it would be a long story!!!
Tony Ey writing to the United Nations
Fox